Breaking News: Local Middle School Student Survives the Tragedy of Six APA Citations

In a shocking development that has sent mild ripples through the tutoring world, a middle school student has formally announced that being required to format six APA citations is, in fact, “too much.”

Sources close to the situation report dramatic sighing, prolonged staring at the ceiling, and at least one declaration of, “Why do we even need this?” Experts are still analyzing the emotional weight of the assignment, which reportedly includes such grueling tasks as italicizing a title and placing a period in the correct location.

“I just don’t understand why teachers expect this,” the student said, slumped over a laptop as though burdened by the entirety of academic history. “Six citations? That’s basically a book.”

Meanwhile, in an undisclosed location, a seasoned academic quietly sipped coffee and reflected on a dissertation that required over 400 citations. No press conference was held. No dramatic sighs were recorded. There was only the soft clicking of a keyboard and the distant hum of someone formatting reference entries at 2:00 a.m.

For context, let’s break this down:

• Student Task: 6 citations

• Dissertation Reality: 400+ citations

• Difference: Approximately the length of one dramatic eye roll per citation

Scholars confirm that formatting citations is not, in fact, a punishment invented solely to inconvenience middle schoolers. Instead, it is a long-standing academic practice designed to give credit to sources, support ideas, and prevent the chaos that would ensue if everyone simply wrote, “I read it somewhere.”

Still, the student remains unconvinced.

“They want author names, dates, italics… it’s a lot,” he explained, bravely facing a Google Doc with increasing hostility.

In response, veteran writers everywhere nodded knowingly.

Because here is the quiet truth no one tells you at the beginning:

At first, six citations feel like climbing a mountain.
Then ten feels normal.
Then twenty is just part of the process.
And eventually, you find yourself deep in a dissertation, calmly formatting your 327th citation while questioning your life choices—but also doing it correctly.

Experts agree that this is known as academic growth.

When asked for final comments, the student sighed again and opened his document.

“Fine,” he said. “But I’m only doing one right now.”

A strong start.

Historians will remember this moment.